Do you know what consent is?
Consent means openly agreeing—at every step—to what happens with your body and in your sex life. It should be clear, enthusiastic, ongoing, and never assumed. Consent can be verbal (“Yes, I want to”) or shown through body language, and it can always be changed or withdrawn. Checking in can actually make things hotter and safer for everyone.
What sounds awkward but is actually super hot? Consent.
Consent acknowledges that a person ultimately has control over what happens with their own body. At any point in intimacy, a person is entitled to give or take away consent. Furthermore, making sure your partner is comfortable is a part of being a responsible sexual partner — not to mention that it’s also the law.
Consent is one of those things that may seem like a mood-killer, but there are many ways to plan ahead with a partner to make consent smooth and affectionate in the moment. For those that are more adventurous, consent can even enhance the sexual experience with dirty talk and body movements.
Instead of viewing consent as a formality, consider it a way to crank up your performance in the bedroom. Let’s dive in.
What is consent & how do you get it?
Sexual consent is a clear and voluntary agreement between you and your partner to engage in sexual activity — anything from kissing to dry humping to actual penetrative sex. Asking for it can be as simple as asking “Do you want to have sex?” You can also ask for it gradually by seeing where their boundaries are:
- “Can I kiss you?”
- “Can I touch you here?”
- “Do you want to take your shirt off?”
- “Wanna go to the bedroom?”
Checking in on each other’s boundaries doesn’t have to be an awkward pause-and-ask moment. It can be fun, flirty, and actually add to the heat of the moment. It’s also a good gauge of how comfortable each person is with the pace of intimate activities and can help determine what new sexual adventures you might be in store for.
Definition of consent
Consent is coherent, ongoing, and freely given permission to participate in specific sexual activity. It’s enthusiastic (meaning, “yeah, I’m into this”), informed, and voluntarily given by individuals with the mental capacity to do so. It is NOT equivocal (meaning, “meh, I’m not sure”), uncertain, or forced. Silence is also not consent.
Giving your consent once doesn’t mean it’s good forever, nor does it imply that you consent to escalation of sexual activities. For example, kissing someone doesn’t mean you give consent to have sex with them and having sex with someone once doesn’t automatically mean you give consent to have sex with them again. Consent can be removed at any time — and that’s OK!
Expressed consent vs. implied consent
Expressed consent is a clear, direct, verbal signal that indicates you want to do something. It’s an obvious verbal cue like "Yes, I'm comfortable with this," or "I want to do this." On the other hand, implied consent is a non-verbal cue. This type of consent is given through actions or body movement, like nodding or excited participation. Remember, assuming consent is never ok. Even in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you or your partner has automatic consent. If you’re unsure, don’t hesitate to ask your partner. Plus, you’ll get the added benefit of knowing what your partner likes or doesn’t like.
How do you give consent?
Giving consent means openly communicating your desires and boundaries. Be honest about what you're comfortable with and what you're not. Don’t forget: You or your partner can withdraw your consent at any time. Respect your partner’s decision without question or argument. Forcing anyone to engage in sexual activity without their consent is rape.
What does consent sound like?
Giving consent sounds like explicit, verbal approval to engage in sexual activity. It can also be a back-and-forth conversation where you both express your desires, limits, and concerns. Establishing check-in points before intimacy can make the process more seamless but isn’t necessary, especially if things happen quickly.
Giving consent as a verbal cue can sound like:
- “Yes/Yeah”
- “I like that.”
- “That feels good.”
- “I want to.”
- “Don’t stop.”
Not giving consent can sound like:
- “No.”
- “Don’t.”
- “Stop.”
- “That makes me uncomfortable.”
- “I don’t want to.”
- “I’m not sure about that.”
- Silence.
Consent should never be clouded by ambiguity or power dynamics. It’s always better to know than to not.
How do substances affect consent?
Substances like drugs and alcohol can make it difficult to understand how to give and get consent. If you or your partner are under the influence and things get heated, it’s still important to be coherent enough to give consent. If neither of you feels clear-headed or only one of you does, it’s best to play it safe and hold off.
Safe sex practices after getting consent
Consent is the first step in practicing safe, healthy sex. Now that you’ve protected each other’s emotional well-being, protect each other’s physical well-being, too. Use barrier contraceptive methods like condoms or dental dams to reduce the risk of giving or contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). And don’t forget, what you do after sex is just as important as what you do before. Check out our after-sex checklist for a rundown of what you should do after intercourse.
Using birth control and emergency contraception
Using barrier methods, like condoms, is a great way to practice safe sex. You can also practice it by reducing your chances of pregnancy with a regular birth control method like the pill, patch, shot, implant, ring, or intrauterine device (IUD).
Unprotected sex sometimes happens. If you had intercourse and didn’t use any protection or your protection failed, take a morning-after pill like Julie’s as soon as possible to reduce your chance of getting pregnant.
The Julie Morning After Pill™ (and other morning-after pills) can help prevent pregnancy up to 72 hours (3 days) after unprotected sex, but they’re more effective the sooner you take them. You can find them at Target, CVS, Walmart and Amazon or get it delivered now through GoPuff, UberEats, Instacart and Doordash. They're legal in all 50 states and FDA-approved. No prescription, credit card, parent, or ID is required for purchase — ever.
While we love to share useful and helpful information, the above shouldn’t replace the advice of your healthcare professional. For questions about birth control and other women’s health issues, please talk to your doctor.
Julie wants to keep young women in the driver’s seat of their own stories and provide them with the tools necessary for a happy, healthy sex life.
We know (and have lived!) through the ups and downs of young adulthood firsthand, and we aim to normalize the events, conversations, and questions that come during this period to help destigmatize sexual health. We believe women should live life with total freedom — starting with their ability to choose how, when, and if they become pregnant.
We know that women can make the best choices for themselves when equipped with the right information. We don’t take sexual education lightly and are committed to sharing accurate and factual information through rigorous planning and QA processes. In fact, all Julie content is reviewed by at least two board-certified doctors on our medical board. Learn more about them here.
For more details on our editorial process, see here.
Tessa Commers, MD, FAAP, MS is a board-certified pediatrician based in the Seattle area with a particular interest in adolescent health and sexual education. In addition to clinical practice and serving as Head of Medical at Julie, Tessa also founded AskDoctorT — an education platform with over a million followers across Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube — aimed at improving adolescent health literacy and body confidence. She also hosted and wrote the puberty podcast “That’s Totally Normal!” and has contributed to peer-reviewed publications and educational initiatives focused on child and adolescent wellbeing.
Education: Children’s Mercy Hospital, Kansas City – Pediatric Residency; University of Nebraska Medical Center – Doctor of Medicine (MD); University of Nebraska Medical Center – Master of Science (MS, Genetics, Cell Biology and Anatomy); New York University – Bachelor of Arts (BA)
Dr. Jennifer M. Peña, MD, FACP, AAHIVS is a board-certified internal medicine physician and physician leader with more than 20 years of experience in primary care and women’s health. An Army combat veteran, Jennifer served in the White House Medical Unit under two presidential administrations, including as primary physician to the Vice President of the United States.
She also serves as chief medical officer, medical director, practice owner, and advisor to healthcare and health tech organizations across the U.S., the Caribbean, and beyond. Jennifer’s work in medicine includes appearances on CNN, BBC, MSNBC, Univisión, and more, as well as being named one of Business Insider’s “30 Leaders Under 40 Changing Healthcare” and Veteran of the Year by Latina Style magazine.
Education: Walter Reed Army Medical Center – Internal Medicine Residency; William Beaumont Army Medical Center – Internal Medicine Internship; University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine – Doctor of Medicine (MD); Yale University – Bachelor of Science (BS)
